As far back as I can remember; I have always dreamed of traveling far, far away from home.
In such a way that 4,000 miles wouldn’t have seemed far enough!
As I grew up, 30, 60, 70 miles from home was manageable with my car a vessel to see all the people I have grown to love more than I did myself.
Around them I drew a line of exception; ‘I want to get away from here except from you…’
I prayed everyday for the purest of love and fought like hell to grasp it that faithful morning when I realized I had held that very opportunity in my hands.
Ode to a name I shall never forget; for it is plastered on my identification.
From drivers license until death certificate.
Oh how sweet dreams come true.
But to leave those exceptions to my wanderlust behind has been… indifferent.
Before I knew how to say “I love you” to any man, I knew how to say it to them.
My heart, my soul, all the goodness in me came out in reflection of my friends because they treated me more like family and anyone who didn’t- knew that I was prepared to give them that same treatment.
I was hard for so long;
Now my longing brings me to my knees daily.
The thing is my voice was never as strong as my presence. I could never say all the things that my heart in-motion could speak.
My hugs were legendary, my pride stemmed as far as my smile could carry.
Never had too much on my side but my raw nature to be simply- me.
Texting just isn’t doing it for me.
That was never too treasured but upheld by the people I surrounded myself with.
That until the move to where I have fell dismantled from not seeing my reflection from my influence no longer from others but my insecurity from myself; isolated.
Even at my worst, I was just a phone call away from friends to go see and rebuild my distorted image.
Now it’s all in the hands of one man who had built back my wiped clean belief in all man-kind.
Pretty good deal; but a close to overbearing weight for one, singular persons shoulders.
Before him; the heart of men I viewed as hallow, soulless, spent on the misleading instead of the dedicated- my heart was spent and I was there to be alone.
And he was there to find me. Cradle my sensibilities and kiss my wounds with no expectations of anything more than ‘friend’ I loved him from that moment on but would not say nor let myself feel too into it.
I love him with my entirety, no question. He is my everything and then some.
There was no question from any loved ones at my rushed wedding just a week or two away from our 6 month anniversary about his honesty.
If only we paid mind to the importance of all of those around us really holding me up to be the woman he was in love with… we may have not fallen so hard on arrival to my new home.
This is not a story of failure, but an ongoing travelers triumph over the unknown.
I did not know my own kryptonite but soon learned.
I did not have complete faith in something that I had longed for more than anything in my existence.
I had only guessed at my ability and my strength until it was challenged.
I return this tale to you of a woman of challenged fortitude; victor. Successor of my lesser self.
Just as you can be in your grandiose journey. Whatever it may be.
Allow failure but make sure that it is momentary with the opposer of depression; your determination!
As always; I am with you to balance out any bad thoughts and fears just as I am here for those exceptions that I will carry on throughout my many years on this earth and to the next!
Love is infinite,
Friends are vital,
And people are there to prove your fears wrong just as they are there to make them more apparent.