Loved Lost //Love Gained

I would have given anything to save my friends from growing up. Not because I think they weren’t ready, but more so I wasn’t ready to lose them to the unpredictable trap that is adulthood. It always looked best as a daydream set upon your mind in the midst the ramble of the English teacher’s voice than it wound up to be in the pretences of cherished, long-lasting friendships. When it came to the day that I had feared and tried to press away for so long, I came apart… Alas, I just couldn’t keep ahold of the love I had just come around to find meant the world to me. She must have seen something inside me that she didn’t particularly like. I feel the same as I always have… Maybe that is the problem. I see my point of view quite well but others are quite the mystery to me sometimes. My greatest ability is the one to talk and to relate to many- why not my best friend?

Could it be that she and I actually aren’t meant to be? See, I had awakened my senses to a love more extraordinary than the movies say… The love of a good friend and how it can change your world just as swiftly. You know if you call that they will always be there and even more drive in the dead of night to comfort you no matter the situation. As we grew up there were always trials of our friendship but I always knew she was there for me. Even when I did not make it too easy to be. We’ve made it 13 years arm in arm but the last two I have felt a shift- down in the dirt I looked up to my pillars soaring high in their own lives in inspiration to pick myself up to. BOOM, the switch. What happened? I see myself on my two feet but minus one God on my temple of virtue. Oh how my heart crumpled.

Is it by our omission that we let those outside of our own beings choose how we feel about who we have become? No. No, no I will not accept this because you cannot control others so why should they hold control over you in any form. Now, this does not mean that losing anyone at all should pain you one bit or give it the power to discourage days, rain down sunny moods, to break down your confidence, I put my foot down firmly against. Why should my head be heavy when it was not me who initiated the motion of their departure? I do not hate, I do not take people for granted, I do not float carelessly through life and so why should any feeling be of callousness and grief.

Some people just need to break away. Some just need a break from their norm and to find new confines to live by! We all do this in different forms and in recent years it has been known to be ‘cutting toxic people out’ but what defines the toxins is the body of the organism in which is infected… “The friend who always wants to go shopping is very toxic to me because I have a spending problem that I am trying to fix.” “The friend who never says no is really getting me into some trouble because they just NEVER SAY NO!” We all have different needs of renovation our lives in different areas but there is a reason that any one of us is in another life for any length of time at all! Every one person has a purpose to many in this life and I am thankful that my purpose has led me to such a good friend at all for any length of time. I never wish her any sorrow or ill will because she is doing just as I am- following her heart. I love her to this day and for the rest of my days even if she isn’t by my side, she has influenced how I live today. I hope you find your strength to love any of those who leave your life as they may have finished their job in your lifeline timeline.

If you ever need anyone, I am here with you. We fight but we never fight alone. Stay strong with me.

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